Since 2010, Haydon’s Road Recreation Ground has been a favourite ground of the Badgers*. The Badgers have been there for many of Haydon’s highs and lows there including the time that the pitch was double-booked and the match had to be abandoned; the time when the pavilion had to be locked up following an incident where someone had broken in and smeared faeces all over the walls; and the time that a member of the opposition turned up to play wearing a full 4 piece morning suit. The one constant through all of these ups and (mostly) downs is that the toilet facilities there are disgusting. To call it “The Worst Toilet in Scotland” would be giving it a complement. One would be well-advised to hold one’s breath when inside the toilet for fear of entering an infinite loop of gagging & chundering caused by the body’s reluctance to accept that a smell so vile could exist within the solar system. A piece of advice for would-be spectators at Haydon’s Road: There is a very good pub across the road (The Garden Shed) with excellent toilet facilities and an excellent selection of beers.

Due to some fielding jitters, the Badgers had engaged in an ad-hoc midweek fielding training session designed to teach the Badgers how to use their paws effectively. The session was enjoyed by all who attended and it goes without saying that it finished in the pub with a phenomenal amount of beer consumption. Quick tip: If you ever forget to bring your wallet (like the majority of Badgers turning up for a fielding session), just use your phones to transfer money to Ben and get him to buy rounds for you. It is surprisingly effective!

The Plastics, led by part-time Badger Charlie, were a new fixture for the Badgers. For this inaugural fixture between the 2 teams, Vice Captain Cade was in charge yet again due to Captain Cloke’s MJ-esque crotch grab being in great demand in the Far East. The late arrival of some Badgers were met with his iron claw of justice - instant demotion down the batting order. Somehow, Jim Hamblin's Hawaiian escaped punishment - VAR could have been handy here.

Cadey's decisive captaincy sett the tone for a clinical Badger performance with strong batting performances and sharp fielding. Batting highlights included a maiden Badger century for Bam Bam (137), 58 for Lee and a quickfire 33 for Rory. In terms of bowling, nearly all the Badgers got a chance to bowl with most taking wickets. Highlights included 3 wickets for Rory and a return to bowling form for Barker with 2 wickets to his name.

Thanks to all the spectators who attended in spite of all the terrible toilet facilities. Your support provides reassurance to the Badgers that they aren’t just being selfish by spending Summer weekends playing cricket and that there are people who actually enjoy watching them play.

Lessons Learned: Fielding practice works!

* out of all Merton Council pitches with no shower facilities

Saturday 9th June 2018 Badgers Battersea Badgers vs Plastics Plastics

Battersea Badgers 318 for 10 (39 overs)

  • Mackrell 137 (90)
  • Lee 58 (51)
  • Thomas 35 (18)
  • Unknown 4/43 (7)
  • Unknown 2/64 (8)
  • Unknown 2/70 (8)

Plastics 123 for 10 (32 overs)

  • Thomas 3/23 (4)
  • Barker 2/12 (2)
Full scorecard
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