In ancient Greece there was this fella knocking around called Heraclitus who, in many ways, was very similar to our own Peter Cade – the two sharing an interest in paradoxical philosophy, an appreciation of wordplay and oracular epigrams, and a view that the world was constantly in flux. In other ways though, they were wildly different. Heraclitus always wore his full whites, even in T20s, and he never, to my knowledge, fielded at square leg with his headphones on whilst listening to the England game. Similarities and differences aside, though, there was something Heraclitus said all the way back in 6 BC that was on all Badger minds as we headed off on our latest adventure –
“If it were not for injustice, man would not know justice.”
And, trust me, those words have never rang truer than after a crushing two run defeat in our last T20, followed by a head-scratching postponement during Sunday’s mini heatwave. Yes, the old boy was right - justice was EXACTLY what the Badgers were looking for.
How fortunate, then, that there was a whole Ministry of it waiting for us at The Barn Elms Sports Trust.
The Badgers were sent into bat and, straight away, set about tipping the scales in our favour. Will Kenton and Joe Peach both knocking off a quick 26 each before they retired amidst cries of “well batted lads” from the assorted Justices. Kieran Poole then walks in, alphas Will and Joe by retiring on 28, and saunters off like a silverback in one of those nature documentaries where everyone, even Attenborough, says, “Whatever you do, don’t fuck with that one”.
Blench Junior and Blench Senior share some time at the crease in a work of progress that I hope to see at the Edinburgh Fringe one day before James “remember when you all thought I couldn’t bat?” Beeken came in and added another Not Out to his name. With the 20 overs gone and the Justices desperate for an adjournment, The Badgers finished on 144 for 1.
“Would that be enough?”, the Badgers asked themselves.
“I’m thinking of making the match report on overstretched metaphor on the relief of justice after suffering injustice so it would be quite handy if it was”, said Fitzgerald.
“Heraclitus eh?”, said Peter Cade, a glint in his eye.
Hash and Allwood were giving the new ball and ran in with their usual mixture of economy, swing, and shouting things at Dickie. Into the action steps Fitzgerald, and the Ministry of Justice brace themselves for a workload of appeals reminiscent of the days of the Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six.
Fitzgerald strolls in. A noise! A look to Dickie as he leaps in the air, the ball cossetted in his gloves. An expectant turn to the Justice’s Umpire who remains unmoved. The relief when the Justice at the crease declared himself guilty and walked off.
Larsson, this season’s leading wicket taker, then dispatches the other opener, caught by Will Kenton in the covers before he adds to impressive CV by running out another Justice with a direct hit from 30 yards. It was a high-quality piece of cricket that, in hindsight, was the perfect appetizer for what came next.
Peter Cade, part-time philosopher, full time civil servant, had for some years now been two wickets short of the overall Badger record. Could today be the day that impish smile turned into a full grin? Would the assorted Badgers tell their children, and their children’s children (why are children having children?) they were there when history was made? As he took the ball, wearing his non regulation kit, the tension was palpable – think the launch of Apollo 11 if the bottom half of the rocket was covered in black tracksuit bottoms.
His first over was more Apollo 13 though as he went for 16 runs. But in his second over he found his way home. Bowling to his field, the Justice at the crease tried to hit the aspiring record breaker over cow corner only to find Joe Peach gladly take the catch on the boundary.
197 wickets to Cade! Finally, he’s equalled the record.
And in true Cadey style, and of course he had to do it like this, he then broke the record with his next ball – caught and bowled, if you please. The Eagle had landed and taken 2 for 22 at the Sea of Tranquility End. He was now, and maybe forever, the Badger’s all-time wicket taker.
The game then played out to a comfortable and satisfying end, Cadey deservedly winning Badger of the Match and posing for photos with a ball that will no doubt be mounted in the Cade household.
Heraclitus had been nicknamed the Weeping Philosopher by his contemporaries, in large part due to his tendency to err towards melancholia, futility, and half trackers that the Athens Sunday X1 saw as an opportunity to bolster their averages. Maybe he never truly savoured the justice he spoke of? Maybe it eluded him forever? Cadey, on the other hand, well just look at him here, in an image already that’s already been commissioned as a statue to grace Battersea Square.
Is he weeping? Is he fuck.
